The joke that is Europe

Of course the ongoing Euro crisis has produced its fair share of humour, in response to the out break of anti EU humour the European Council has decided that it should have an official approved European joke so...

A joke was proposed by a Belgian to be the Official European Joke, in order to improve the relationship between the nations, as well as promote our self humour and our culture. The Joke went as follows: 

European paradise is when you are invited to an official lunch. You are welcomed by an Englishman. Food is prepared by a Frenchman and an Italian puts you in the mood and everything is organised by a German. 

European hell is when you are invited to an official lunch. You are welcomed by a Frenchman. Food is prepared by an Englishman, a German puts you in the mood but, don't worry, everything is organised by an Italian. 

The European Council met in order to make a decision. Should the joke be the Official European Joke or not?  

The British representative announced, with a very serious face and without moving his jaw, that the joke was absolutely hilarious. 

The French one protested because France was depicted in a bad way in the joke. He explained that a joke cannot be funny if it is against France. 

Poland also protested because they were not depicted in the joke. 

Luxembourg asked who would hold the copyright on the joke. The Swedish representative didn't say a word, but looked at everyone with a twisted smile. 

Denmark asked where the explicit sexual reference was. If it is a joke, there should be one, shouldn't there? 

Holland didn't get the joke, while Portugal didn't understand what a "joke" was. Was it a new concept? 

Spain explained that the joke is funny only if you know that the lunch was at 13h, which is normally breakfast time. 

Greece complained that they were not aware of that lunch, that they missed an occasion to have some free food, that they were always forgotten. 

Romania then asked what a "lunch" was. 

Lithuania and Latvia complained that their translations were inverted, which is unacceptable even if it happens all the time. 

Slovenia told them that its own translation was completely forgotten and that they do not make a fuss. 

Slovakia announced that, unless the joke was about a little duck and a plumber, there was a mistake in their translation. 

The British representative said that the duck and plumber story seemed very funny too. 

Hungary had not finished reading the 120 pages of its own translation yet . 

Then, the Belgian representative asked if the Belgian who proposed the joke was a Dutch speaking or a French speaking Belgian. Because, in one case, he would of course support a compatriot but, in the other case, he would have to refuse it, regardless of the quality of the joke.  

To close the meeting, the German representative announced that it was nice to have the debate here in Brussels but that, now, they all had to make the train to Strasbourg in order to take a decision. He asked that someone to wake up the Italian, so as not to miss the train, so they can come back to Brussels and announce the decision to the press before the end of the day . 

"What decision?" asked the Irish representative. 

And they all agreed it was time for some coffee.

While I appreciate that this is an outrageous nationalistic slur on so many of our fellow european friends and neighbours it does at least have one small merit.  It does not bring  countries to the brink of bankrupcy neither does it condem millions to a lifetime of debt and poverty and that is no joke.

Best wishes
Will

Did he really say reform the EU sometime in the future?

Not just two or three years ago, not five or six years ago, not even nine or ten years ago but almost fifteen years ago the then prime minister Tony Blair declared that he would place Britain at the heart of Europe.   I have no idea where he thought we had been before then.  By my reckoning, we have always been one of the major economies of the EU, have always been a net contributor to the EU budget and have always implemented EU policy even when we did not agree with it or indeed even when it damaged our own national interest.  However, there we are; perhaps I am mistaken, perhaps we were always just a minor character in the great EU theatre.   

What puzzles me about David Cameron’s idea that we should stay in Europe and seek to reform it, is just what does he think we have being trying to do for more than thirty years?  Did the UK not urge the EU for years to reform the Common Agricultural Policy?  Did the UK not try to reform the common fisheries policy?  Did the UK not advise against a common currency?  Did the UK not urge the EU to strive for great democracy?  Did we not advise the EU to improve financial controls so that the auditors would sign the EU accounts?  Something I might add that has not happened for at least twelve years.  Have we not just committed £12.5 billion to assist the bailout of a currency we declined to join?  That is by the way, more than twice the savings being made from government cuts.

The question is not really what does he think the UK has been trying to do for thirty years.  The question is not even, why he now thinks we might achieve something at some unspecified date in the future that we have clearly failed to achieve in over thirty years.  To be quite blunt the question is; exactly what planet is he living on?

Best Wishes
Will

Saint Crispins Day

Saint Crispins Day is nearly upon us, it's on 25th October to be precise.

MP's gather at Westminster to decide whether or not we citizens will be allowed to have our voices heard on the question of our continued membership of the European Union.  To give us that voice MP's must defy their leaders.  So let us remind our MP's of a fictional speach penned by one William Shakespeare and spoken by Henry V on the eve of the battle of Agincourt.

This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

The question for each of our MP's now is just how cheap do they hold their manhoods.
Best Wishes
Will 

Time to say Goodbye

David Cameron will be in Brussels this weekend for talks on how to preventing a collapse of the euro.  According to reports in this mornings press Britain will tell European leaders that they have five days to save the world economy from catastrophe.  Meanwhile at home the conservative party are falling over themselves in an attempt to prevent a meaningful debate on whether the UK should

1. Remain in the EU on substantialy the same terms as currently exist.
2. Stay in the EU and attempt to reform the community.
3. Leave the EU.

Given that:-

1. The EU has brought the global economy to the very brink of catastrophe.
2. That for at least two decades British politicians have been talking about reforming the EU from within.  A process that has achieved precisely nothing.

I am inclined to agree that there is little point in having the debate since there must surely be almost universal agreement that the UK should leave the EU.  There can only be a small minority of diehards who still think that the EU is a force for the good.  Shame that they all seem to be sitting in the House of Commons.
Best Wishes
Will

Short sighted man applies the wrong solution at the wrong time

Main stream media sources including Sky news, BBC news and most national newspapers are reporting that the governor of the Bank of England has said that Britain could be in the grip of the "most serious financial crisis ever".

Sir Mervyn King is reported to have said

"That the global and UK economies had been turned on their heads in the past three months alone ...

The situation could be even worse than the Great Depression of the 1930s...

Making it crucial do the right thing."

Which according to Sir Mervyn King means pumping more cash into the economy.

There are several hundred people I could name - myself amongst them – and several thousand more whose names I don’t know who now feel qualified to apply for the post of governor of the BoE. We could all have told him over a year ago that the UK was heading for a financial crisis of epic proportions. Most of them did tell him exactly that if not in person then via their online blogs.

And just for the record pumping more cash into the economy is rather like giving a dying man a couple of aspirin. It’s not going to achieve anything.

Best Wishes
Will